1:20 – What I remember

“I’m sorry… but I had to tell you.”

He could feel her sigh, but she didn’t pull away from him like she had done earlier. It had been perhaps the hardest thing he had to do so far, tearing up what he slowly learned was a very open wound.

A day earlier:

“So.. time for that talk?”
“Yeah.. I.”
“I think I can guess.”
“You can?”
“Yeah, but I want you to tell me.”

“I remember the life I loved someone else.. where I had a “normal” life, and had a child… and I remember you.. supporting me when I needed it the most..”

She sighed.. she had feared it was that life. It made sense in many ways, it was the life where they had started to think he was almost there, but she admitted it still hurt. To stand on the outside of his life, not being able to help him when she wanted too, or be a part of anything. All she could do was random encounters, and a encouraging words when she felt it was okay to be that random encounter.

“How could I do that…”
“My dad said it is part of the soul evolving.. it’s getting ready to break free?”
“That doesn’t… “

He took a deep breath, he hated this memory so much, and he wanted to forget it all most than anything else.

“It’s okay.. it was just one life of many.”
“Yes… and you have been tortured through every life haven’t you?”
“No.. now why would you say that?”

“I remember them all Nat.. all the lives where I didn’t love you back, where you were just a friend, or even worse my mistress..”
“I never blamed you for any off it, you know that right? I am the one that did what I did, all of this, every single life and situation is my fault, not yours.”
“And you have payed for it, with every life I failed you.”
“You never failed me..”

He looked over at her, he hated to have these memories, specially the ones where he could see himself in one form or another yelling at her and even leaving her when she told him about not having kids, and he could only imagine how it had been on her end.

“I get it, I really do, but you need to let it go. Dwelling on it won’t change what has been, but it can affect what is now.”
“I know.. I..”

He hugged him and let him have his time. It hurt her to see him like this, and she had to admit that it had hurt the times he chose someone else, or had just been her friend. But she had never seen it as his fault.

“Now come on.. I want to actually talk to you about something.. nice, or well so I believe.”

“That is cheating you know.”
“It is?”
“And it won’t help this time.. I will get to ask you this.”
“Awww.. fine.”

He chuckled, he wasn’t very good at dismissing any of her advances, but he needed to get this idea off his chest.

“I am listening.”
“I want to adopt a kid.. what do you think?”
“Ehm…”
“Well.. there are things we need to do first, like get approved, think it through, but I want this for us.”
“There would be some.. ehm..”
“Techincalities. yeah, I know.”

“But, come on.. this kid would have a wonderfull life, no matter how much or how little we decide on telling her, they would have a good life with us.”
“Easy for you to say.. your not the one that would have to watch your kid die.. well hopefully.”
“And I am not the one that would take care of the grandkids-kids.”
“True.. “
“Think about it?”
“I will.”

He had an idea behind it, more than him actually wanting a child, he knew it would add family into her life, which he thought might just be a wonderfull thing. Even if not by blood, it would still be family.

“So.. that’s why you wanted me to come over.”
“Yeah.. I mean.. Hayle just asked me what a child was..”

Chris couldn’t help but chuckle. But as Nat had helped him out with the whole merman form, he knew that this probably meant a lot to her to just have someone to talk to about it.

“I guess he might need to be told what that is.. if he asks me later.”
“Yep, but well.. what do you think?”
“I think he is right honestly. It would give you a family outside of well your dad and us, and it would give you something new.”
“I know.. I am just not sure.. is it right?”
“Because of who and what you are?”
“Yeah.. “
“I think any kid would be lucky to have you and Ilari as parents, and heck, they get some pretty neat uncles on the side.”

She couldn’t disagree with that, this kid would have a rather extraordinary life if they were open with everything.

“I just hope we don’t freak it out instead.”
“Kids are resilient things, and you know one step at the time.”
“Yeh..”

She didn’t get any further as Chris’s alarm on the phone went off, sending him on his way for work.

“Made up your mind?”
“Yeah.. let’s do it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.. I think your rigt.”
“I think, I saw the perfect candidate in the news today.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.. remember last time we tried to talk?”
“Yes?”
“She was left behind, and she hasn’t been able to find a home, she lost all her family in that event.”
“Oh.. I rememeber her..”
“Yeah, and kids her age find it hard to get adopted.”

Nat remembered that event a little too well. So many had died, not just the ones trapped by the crazy cult poeple, but also many of Ilari’s colleauges. And she remembered the little girl, standing all alone outside when it was done.

“Let’s make it happen then.”

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